This past week, a group of us began working through Scot McKnight's book 40 Days Living the Jesus Creed. We're posting our thoughts on the book on a Facebook group, which forces me to really think about what I'm reading and how it applies.

For me, the idea of the Jesus Creed and praying it throughout the day isn't much of a stretch. Through the contemplative practices, I've become accustomed to praying the Jesus Prayer or other breath prayers on a consistent basis. However, I found that the Scripture from Mark was just a bit too familiar, and it quickly became a repetition of words without real meaning for me. I turned to the Message instead and created a combination of the two versions that is more thought-provoking for me. I've been using this:Hear, O Israel, the Lord your God, the Lord is one. So love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence and energy. Love others as well as you love yourself. There is no other commandment that ranks with these.After getting my version straight, I jumped in. Day 2 was no problem for me, though it gave me an opportunity to journal and to check on where things are in my life. I liked the reminder that to love God means to yearn for, to pray for, and work for what glorifies God and what puts God in God's place in your life (8). I thought I was cruising along and getting the hang of this.Then I hit Day 3. With the recent events of my life, loving others has been somewhat selective. I've found myself praying a line from Kendall Payne's song "Prayer" - What you do unto others, may it all be done to you - when thinking about my former employers and their political ambitions. Somehow that just didn't seem to fit into the concept of loving your neighbor - at least not in this case. So I seemed to have gotten stuck on this particular concept and how it plays out in my current situation.I started thinking about the needs that my former employers have. I discovered that what they perceive as needs are simply ambitions or desires. They need to be popular, to be promoted, to be in control - those are all their personal desires. On the 2 hour drive to my folks' place, I prayerfully considered what their true needs might be. I felt like I was consistently being led back to "love others as well as yourself," and I began to realize that Bill, Kristen and Cathy are all striving to gain others' approval and others' love rather than being able to love themselves. All three of them have spent their entire lives doing what pleases others and being whoever they needed to be to please the person who could promote them. This is especially true as they are in positions to be promoted in the next 6 months. Everything they do - including firing me - is an attempt to get someone else to love them. They don't see themselves as the beloved of God; they see themselves as little worker bees for the church. It's all about doing, pleasing and earning love, including God's love.With that sense, I actually began to feel sorry for them. I remember what it was like to be trapped in that never-ending cycle. I am so grateful for my friend Larry who helped me to believe that I am the beloved of God and that being is way more important than doing! Once you are able to "be", the doing becomes the natural outflow of all that you receive.Looking at Day 4 then, this caught my attention: "For us to be empowered by that face, we have to turn our face to God by gazing at God and by talking to God. If we fake it, we offer to God nothing but a facade. If we face God honestly by offering our true face to God, we discover in the face of God the face of love. We discover that God is love." (22)That struck me because of the facade I see my former employers and others around me (and at times myself) putting before God. I have had the terrifying experience of finding myself naked and true before the face of God and finding only love despite my own fear and shame. Although it is never a pleasant experience (at least to start), it is a rewarding, humbling and encouraging experience. My prayer for my former employers has become simply that the facade would crumble and that they would not run from the presence of God in those first difficult moments, but that they would have the courage to stay and experience true love.

So much for "Nice"

Things have developed since my last post.  I have since found out that although they were trying to be "nice Christians" to my face, they have been anything but nice!

Not only did they not follow the denominational procedures, but they were barely legal (and wouldn't have been had our financial person not caught it).  They didn't follow procedure because they want the congregation to think it was my choice and to push through another person for the position that has been handpicked by the pastor and not the hiring committee.

It turns out that the real reason for all of this is self-promotion.  Both the pastors and the district superintendent are bucking for promotions.  Unfortunately for me, I could care less about denominational politics, and I was doing nothing to help them advance.  Although I was doing my job (or at least what I was told was my job), I failed to produce instant recognition and promotion for them at the district and conference levels.  I also discovered that I am the 3rd person in less than 3 years to be hired and fired quickly.

All this has left the entire church and community reeling.  I feel sorry for all the people stuck in the system.  They don't want to leave their church family, but the leadership is slowly destroying everything they believe in.  Some are even questioning their faith because it doesn't seem like God is in this (and how can God not be part of a church and a pastor's life?).  I'm doing what I can to help people through this.  After my "church from hell" experience, I realized that pastors and people in the church can be just as manipulative, abusive, self-seeking, etc. as anyone else.  God isn't in the politics, and so I can recover and survive.

So much for the "nice Christians" though...  I think I'd rather stick with the messy, confused, stumbling followers of God in the way of Jesus!

"Nice" Christians

The other night, I was called in to talk to all the "power authorities" in my local church. Turns out that they had decided to fire me. They tried to be "nice Christians" (they actually used that term) as they told me that after 7 months, they've decided that I'm not producing the results (apparently big numbers) that they were looking for and that I haven't made enough contacts to warrant me keeping my job. Of course, I think there are lots of reasons for this that the "nice Christians" wouldn't admit (maybe even to themselves).

I'm not exactly sure what they expected. I moved half-way across the country to do this, and it takes time to build a ministry. They told me they wanted a spiritual formation process, but apparently they want "glitz and glamour" ministry that attracts lots of kids but has little depth. My bad. I went on what they told me they expected not on the actual expectations. There was no warning of this, no previous conversation about expectations, nothing.

The "nice Christians" went on to say that they felt I wasn't called to youth ministry and that they wouldn't recommend me for another youth job. They want me to go to a Christian coach because as "nice Christians," they want to help me find God's real call on my life. I found this ironic because they based this on a "we know you better than you know yourself" concept. I have spent very little time with any of the people in that room, and absolutely no time outside of a work context. They don't have a clue who I am or what I was actually accomplishing there, for that matter. But as "nice Christians" they felt the need to justify themselves in this manner.

The "nice Christians" even said that they would help me out financially - by providing what they are legally bound to provide. Some help! Even the "church from hell" experience provided better compensation and more communication than that! And they didn't even pretend to be "nice Christians."

I've decided that it's because of people/churches/situations like these that I refuse to call myself a Christian any longer. About 1 year ago, I started saying that I'm not a Christian, but I do tell people that I'm a follower of God in the way of Jesus. I think that's more appropriate. After all, Jesus wasn't exactly "nice." Read his conversations with the Pharisees and teachers of the law or check out some of his conversations with his disciples. Jesus was real, honest, straightfoward, etc., but "nice" doesn't fit the list. One of my problems with the church and "Christians" is that so many have gotten so far (don't hear me say ALL) from the original kingdom vision. Most people, including my now former employers and the parents of my former youth, just want Christianity to be about making people "nice." It's a prosperity, personal gospel to make you behave, to make you more popular, to help you get better grades or a better job, to make you, well... "nice."

I have to say that I've had enough of "nice Christians." I much prefer the real people that I've worked with in other churches and other contexts. I'd rather have a real spiritual conversation with someone sitting at the bar than lead a "nice lesson" in a church youth group.

I still think God can redeem the church, but all of these "nice Christians" are certainly making it more difficult!