I just had themost unique experience at a ministry fair. The fair "traffic" was slow, and I was visiting with the ladies from the ministry next to me. We were chatting about what we do, the churches we attend, etc. The one lady asked me where I was from, which surprised me a bit. She said that she'd lived in the area for 27 years, but she was still considered an outsider, as were her children, so she recognizing other "outsiders." Then she asked me, "So how are things going for you personally? Don't tell me about your ministry or your church now; tell me about how things are going for you."
I wasn't quite sure how to answer this relative stranger. I've moved several times, so I know that breaking into a new community is often difficult, especially when it's a small, close-knit community such as the Olean area. I have some people that I consider friends, but I don't have anyone I would really go to in an emergency. I don't have anyone who calls and justs wants to do something. The people I do talk with all have other groups of friends or their families, and so they don't think to invite me along to things. Even when I reach out to them and invite them to do something with me, the answer usually is no because they're already doing something with another friend or with their family. I really am an outsider here.
I finally answered that it has been tough, and for the next several minutes she listened patiently and asked wise questions as I found myself revealing things to this lady that I normally would never tell to anyone except for my closest of friends. As we talked, I realized how difficult this move has been for me. I realized how much I miss my friends and my students in the Chicagoland area. I realized how tired I am of trying to be OK on my own. I realized how hard I've been trying to "play the game" so that I can fit in here and how miserably I've failed at that game.
All of this comes on the heels of being summoned before the "powers" for a meeting this evening. I was only told that we needed to discuss "some issues," and my past experience tells me that when the "powers" call a quick meeting without giving you any indication of what they want to discuss, it's trouble. It's nothing I haven't been through before, but it's never easy. And I know that I don't have one person at that meeting tonight who is in my corner. Flashbacks to the "church from hell" come rushing back.
And yet, for at least a few moments this morning, someone understood. She cared. She listened to me and affirmed me. In the midst of this stressful time and struggle, I received a bit of grace this morning - not from my pastor, not from a friend, not from the church, but from a stranger.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Breathe
I recently watched Rob Bell's Nooma Video "Breathe" with my students. I've seen it before, but some new things hit me this time:
If our breathing is actually saying the name of God, then it makes sense that life begins with a breath and ends when we can no longer say the name of God.
If our breathing is actually saying the name of God, then what does it really mean to "take the name of God in vain?" My students say that it means that you shouldn't swear using God's name, but if our very breath is God's name, then wouldn't it mean more? Wouldn't it mean that our breath shouldn't be used to gossip? Wouldn't it mean that our breath shouldn't be used to tear people down or destroy people? Wouldn't it mean that our breath shouldn't be used for anything that is harmful or hurtful? Wouldn't all of that be considered taking God's name in vain?
Would "wasting our breath" by rambling on with meaningless chatter also be considered taking God's name in vain?
The other thing that caught my attention this time was that science says we should receive 90% of our energy from breathing, but we don't. How much does that speak to us not tapping into the power that God has for us?
I'm not sure I have any answers for this, but it certainly made me (and my students) think!
If our breathing is actually saying the name of God, then it makes sense that life begins with a breath and ends when we can no longer say the name of God.
If our breathing is actually saying the name of God, then what does it really mean to "take the name of God in vain?" My students say that it means that you shouldn't swear using God's name, but if our very breath is God's name, then wouldn't it mean more? Wouldn't it mean that our breath shouldn't be used to gossip? Wouldn't it mean that our breath shouldn't be used to tear people down or destroy people? Wouldn't it mean that our breath shouldn't be used for anything that is harmful or hurtful? Wouldn't all of that be considered taking God's name in vain?
Would "wasting our breath" by rambling on with meaningless chatter also be considered taking God's name in vain?
The other thing that caught my attention this time was that science says we should receive 90% of our energy from breathing, but we don't. How much does that speak to us not tapping into the power that God has for us?
I'm not sure I have any answers for this, but it certainly made me (and my students) think!
Emerging Church Conference
Last week I attended the Emerging Church Conference at Houghton College. It was a surprise to me that Houghton would bring in Tony Jones for an event, but it was no surprise that people pulled their funding from Houghton or that the event wasn't very well attended (compared to other conferences). Why do people see the emerging church as such a threat?
Some of the questions and statements made were very interesting. Someone said that Brian McLaren doesn't believe in the atonement. Have they read any of his stuff? A discussion about "absolute truth" broke out at one point, and I loved Tony's response: Truth doesn't need a qualifier like absolute. It's true or it's not. I thought Tony did a great job of responding (or not) to a woman who kept pushing him on a few issues. It was obvious that Tony had several opportunities to completely destroy her, and he very deftly avoided doing so.
I guess I wonder how I ended up in an area that is so anti-emergent when I am so emergent myself. Even on my facebook page, old college friends were upset when they discovered I was supporting Tony and emergent at the conference. Is it simply because I've been through so much with the church and realize that this can't be all that God intended for us? Are my friends and colleagues so bound up in the bureaucracy and politics of the dominational structures that they aren't willing to even consider that some of those structures might actually be harmful to the church (as the body of Christ)? Have they sold out for a paycheck or security? Or have they simply never questioned anything?
I know it sounds a bit hypocritical to say they've sold out for a paycheck or security since I am working for a church myself. I'll readily admit that I play the game to some extent to earn the paycheck. But I also refuse to go through the denominational indoctrination process in any denomination despite the fact that it would benefit me financially and would insure future positions with the church. I just can't do it. In fact, when someone asks me for my church affliation, my typical response is "Well, right now the ____________ are paying me." I just think there are more important things to focus on the denomination differences.
I work within the church systems because I believe that the church (like everything else) can be redeemed. I remember having a conversation with Mike Yaconelli at one point when I was ready to walk away from the church. He said that he understood my pain and frustration, but he also said that he hoped I wouldn't walk away. The church is the body of Christ, the vehicle for sharing the good news of Jesus Christ with the world. It is made up of imperfect people, so, of course, it has its flaws. Mike said that he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if people who wanted to follow Jesus actually worked within the church to try to help the church become at least more of what it was supposed to be. Eventually, that became my own philosophy as well. So I keep working for churches and praying that my influence within them will help them become more like the body and bride of Christ. I think the example of many of the emerging church leaders is helpful in this process, and I think many of the emerging churches are giving us great examples of what this can look like for a local congregation.
Some of the questions and statements made were very interesting. Someone said that Brian McLaren doesn't believe in the atonement. Have they read any of his stuff? A discussion about "absolute truth" broke out at one point, and I loved Tony's response: Truth doesn't need a qualifier like absolute. It's true or it's not. I thought Tony did a great job of responding (or not) to a woman who kept pushing him on a few issues. It was obvious that Tony had several opportunities to completely destroy her, and he very deftly avoided doing so.
I guess I wonder how I ended up in an area that is so anti-emergent when I am so emergent myself. Even on my facebook page, old college friends were upset when they discovered I was supporting Tony and emergent at the conference. Is it simply because I've been through so much with the church and realize that this can't be all that God intended for us? Are my friends and colleagues so bound up in the bureaucracy and politics of the dominational structures that they aren't willing to even consider that some of those structures might actually be harmful to the church (as the body of Christ)? Have they sold out for a paycheck or security? Or have they simply never questioned anything?
I know it sounds a bit hypocritical to say they've sold out for a paycheck or security since I am working for a church myself. I'll readily admit that I play the game to some extent to earn the paycheck. But I also refuse to go through the denominational indoctrination process in any denomination despite the fact that it would benefit me financially and would insure future positions with the church. I just can't do it. In fact, when someone asks me for my church affliation, my typical response is "Well, right now the ____________ are paying me." I just think there are more important things to focus on the denomination differences.
I work within the church systems because I believe that the church (like everything else) can be redeemed. I remember having a conversation with Mike Yaconelli at one point when I was ready to walk away from the church. He said that he understood my pain and frustration, but he also said that he hoped I wouldn't walk away. The church is the body of Christ, the vehicle for sharing the good news of Jesus Christ with the world. It is made up of imperfect people, so, of course, it has its flaws. Mike said that he couldn't help but wonder what would happen if people who wanted to follow Jesus actually worked within the church to try to help the church become at least more of what it was supposed to be. Eventually, that became my own philosophy as well. So I keep working for churches and praying that my influence within them will help them become more like the body and bride of Christ. I think the example of many of the emerging church leaders is helpful in this process, and I think many of the emerging churches are giving us great examples of what this can look like for a local congregation.
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