Tangible Presence

First of all, let me apologize to those who haven't been along for the journey.  Suffice it to say that it's been rough.  Still, I felt compelled to put this out there for anyone who wanted to read it.  Maybe it will bring you hope as well.

For those who have been walking with me through the waiting, I wanted to share with you what's been happening.  The best way to catch you up is to share what I wrote in my prayer journal this evening:

Jesus, it's so good to be with you.  I've missed you!  Over the last few weeks, especially when I've been caching, I've sensed you, but today, your presence has been tangible, and it has given me hope.

Two weeks ago, I was drawn to Jeremiah 29:11-14.  It's funny because I've done retreats and lots of teaching on this passage, but it's been awhile since I've read this section of the Bible.  This passage has been on my mind constantly ever since:  I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home.  I know what I'm doing.  I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.  When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.  When you come looking for me, you'll find me.  Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed.  GOD's Decree.  I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you - GOD's Decree - bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile.  You can count on it.

Jesus, I feel like I've been in exile since I left LaPorte.  But the "home" isn't an actual location for me, is it?  It's your call on my life that is home.  I've holding on to this promise because I believe it is your personal promise to me for this time in my life.  But I've also been waiting around for you to show up.  It wasn't until 2 weeks ago or so that I actually began to seek you, to ask once more for the desire to want you more than anything else - including the "escape plan".

Something happened in the car today, and that desire for you above all else came flooding back.  As I sang and praised you and trusted in your promises, I became more and more aware of your presence.

I'm in Mentor, OH for an interview tomorrow.  I think I like this church, but I don't know if this is where you want me.  Jesus, whatever you want, wherever you want... jut make it clear to us all.  I'm ready to come home.  I'd like to think this is it, but I'll trust you.

Because of Jeremiah 29, Michael Card's song "I Will Bring You Home" has been playing as a promise in my head lately as well:  Though you are homeless, though you're alone, I will be your home.  Whatever's the matter, whatever's been done.  I will be home.  I will be your home.  I will be your home.  In this fearful, fallen place, I will be your home.  When time reaches fullness, when I move my hand, I will bring you home.  Home to your own place in a beautiful land.  I will bring our home.  I will bring you home.  I will bring you home.  From this fearful, fallen place, I will bring you home.

Tonight, I sat watching the sunset over Lake Erie, and I was reminded of that night before the LaPorte interview when I sat on Center Beach watching the sunset over Lake Michigan.  I had a lot of garbage to sift through that night, but there was something healing and calming about that moment.  I felt that again tonight.

As I sat rocking in the swing/bench, listening to the waves, watching the sunset and just enjoying your presence, the song started playing in my head again... I will bring you home.  I will bring you home.  From this fearful, fallen place, I will bring you home. I will be your home.

I don't know if that means I'll be serving you in Mentor, but I do know that I can trust you to fulfill your promise to me - that I won't be at GD&T forever, that in the meantime, you are my home and you are enough.