Update

I know I haven't posted in quite a while.  I also know that my last post freaked some of you out.  I'd apologize for that except that I'm not a bit sorry that I posted it...

Something happened when I sent that.  For those that know me well, you know how difficult it was for me to be that vulnerable, and I guess I was hoping for some kind if insightful response that would make everything OK.  That miracle response never came, but something changed for me after I posted that.   A bit of hope began stirring deep within me.

Nothing in my situation changed, but slowly something has changed - perhaps it's just me.  Little things have encouraged me along the way - an email from Stephen, a phone call from Lilly, a few minutes to sit and talk with Shawn, lunch with Randy, a snowstorm that left everything sparkling like diamonds, a week of sunshine and warm weather, encouragement from Mike, some reinforcement from Jack, the possibility of working for YouthWorks - even if it's only for the summer...

So, I don't have anything specific or any great revelation, but I'm OK for now.  I haven't clearly heard Jesus speak to me or had the same sense of his presence that I've often had in the past, but all of these little things add up.  I have a feeling that someday I'll be having a conversation about this phase of the journey with Jesus, and he'll point to Stephen's emails, Lilly's calls, Jack's comment, that lunch with Randy, Shawn's allowing me to continue to play and lead worship... and he'll say, "See, I hadn't abandoned you.  I was there all along."

To those who carried me along on your prayers when I couldn't seem to pray myself, to those who gave words to my struggles when I couldn't find the words, to those who simple listened, to those who cried with me, to those who hoped and believed enough for both of us...  thank you.  I am so blessed to have friends such as you, and I thank you for "taking me to my Lord." 

I think the rest is up to me - and Jesus.