Call to Ministry

As I said before, Dr. Moulder was the one who first mentioned to me that God might be calling me into full-time youth ministry. I had never considered such a thing. In the little church where I grew up, women didn't go into ministry. They assisted their husbands with ministry by playing the piano and leading women's Bible studies. They served the local church as Sunday School teachers, musicians, choir members, funeral meal preparers and fundraisers. But women didn't actually go into ministry! Still, the idea was planted...

Dr. Moulder arranged for me to attend some youth ministry classes. Rick Dunn was a youth ministry guru at the time, and he was the head of the department at Trinity during those years. The very first class I attended made an impression on me. Rick said, "If you think God is calling you into ministry, do everything else you can think of instead. If you still end up in ministry, you'll know it was God." So I took him quite literally. I pursued my degree in music education and went home to my former high school to teach.

I found myself loving every minute of the times I spent volunteering at church. After a few years of teaching, I found myself volunteering for worship and youth at a local church. The youth pastor sucked me into a number of programs, and I found that I couldn't wait to get to church or to meet with the youth. Meanwhile, I found myself dreading going to school more and more. The saving grace of teaching was the interaction I had with students after school - during musical practices and sporting events. I started wondering if there wasn't something to a call to youth ministry for me.

In October 1999, I was given the opportunity to attend Youth Specialties' National Youth Workers' Convention in San Diego. I hadn't told anyone about my tugs toward full-time ministry. I sat in a general session and listened to Mike Yaconelli. I'm not sure what he really said that day, but I heard the call into full-time ministry and was affirmed by Mike in that very instant. Still, I wasn't sure. What about my teaching job? The money wasn't great, but it was better than youth ministry pay. What about this church and these students I had come to love? Where would this ministry gig take me? What would I have to give up? I really wasn't sure I was ready to cave in to the call to ministry just yet.

A few weeks later, there was a terrible car crash which killed 3 of my students and injured 3 more. One of the students who was killed was one of our starters for the varsity basketball team. Practices had just started, and we'd just started to get back into the rhythm of team life. The coaching staff gathered the team together to process Adam's death, and the team decided to give Adam's jersey to his mother as a gesture of our sorrow and as an act of "retiring" his number. The team chose the head coach and I to represent the team in doing this. Handing Adam's jersey to his grieving mother and having her look at me and ask "Why?" was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

I left the funeral home that evening and went to the youth pastor's office. I sat down with Gregg and finally gave in to my own grief and confusion. I had worked with Adam every day over the last five years, and I had not had one significant conversation with him in that time. The school regulations forbid personal conversations. I remember telling Gregg, "I can't keep doing this. I have to do what means something."

That evening, and the following conversations I had with God, were the turning point for me. I gave into the call to ministry. Still, I didn't tell anyone. I didn't know what to say or how to go about making this change. It wasn't until February, when Gregg finally called me out and asked me what was going on that I confessed my sense of being called into ministry. There was something "magical" in that moment. As soon as I actually said the words to Gregg - even before he responded - I knew that it was what I needed to do.

And thus began the phrase of my journey where I entered full-time ministry. I'd "caved in" (as I often tell people) to the call of God on my life, but I still had my reservations. I wasn't quite ready to give God my entire life just yet.